The New Pope

I just heard the second season of the Young Pope will be called "The New Pope." A) I can't stand John Malkovich. He is a terrible actor (think Galbotorix in Eragon.) But B) it does pose the question: What would I do if I was named the new Pope?

My Top 20 tasks below...

Week 1:

• Make the holy priests that are known to me Princes of the Church in Pectore.
• Question every Cardinal to see if they have the Faith. (A good litmus test would be to see if they can say with confidence the Oath Against Modernism for starters.)
• Remove the red hat of all who cannot from the Sacred College sending them to a monastery. 
• Immediately abrogate the New Mass, and give the celebrants the alternative to say the Old Mass in the Vernacular until we sort this out.
• Ask all bishops for letters of resignation.

Week 2:

• Hold the consistory.
• Accept all bishops' resignation who have not said the Latin Mass in the last 40 years. Send them to that monastery of washed up has-beens on an island somewhere. 
• Conditionally ordain and consecrate those bishops left in the Old Rite for good measure.
• Seriously consider consecrating to the episcopacy all priests who have said the Old Rite in the Traditional groups. E.g. SSPX, ICKSP, FSSP, St. Marcel Initiative and the Fr. Michael Rodriguez types.
• Try to spread them over sees that were just made vacant.

Week 3:

• Consecrate Russia to the Immaculate Heart of Mary in union with all the Bishops
• Call a council.
• First order of business, dismiss Vatican II for what it rightfully was, a Pastoral Council, and make it a foot note in history.
• Condemn Modernism, Communism, and all the 'isms' that Vatican II should have condemned.
• Suspend all priests who have not said Mass in the Old Rite before

Week 4:

• After having the remaining diocesan priests conditionally ordained who are of good faith (chose to say the Old Rite without being forced to) give them a crash course in Traditional Seminary. Some exceptions could be made for priests of good faith like Fr. Mark Goring who is clueless, but still fought Evil in the best way he could) Let them go back to saying the Traditional Mass in their own tongue for two years while they are learning Latin.
• Demand they go to seminary in waves for half the year until their rector clears them. Alternate priests in that just completed their 6 months.
• Laicize all the other priests and bishops (in that remote monastery) who refuse to follow suit. 

Week 5

• Call a commission to seriously look into the previous pontificates (with the right outcome, that should clear up a few problems)
• Define Mary Mediatrix of All Graces
• Canonize Archbishop Marcel Lefebvre

I don't know how far I would make it before I was poisoned, but I think making the cardinals up front would at least put the Church in better hands than she is now. If I could make it to the end of Week 5, I think I would resign since I have absolutely no clue on how to be a bishop, let alone the Bishop of Rome.